I pity the fool.

Its funny how people state how correct their actions are (justify themselves) based all upon the fact their life sucks. Or how many horrible things have happened to them in the past and present, and how the future brings even more of that due to their being natural born fortune tellers. To those people I only have one thing to say.

You deserve it.

I know this statement is a politically incorrect one to make, but I have made it nonetheless.

Would you like to hear it again?

You deserve it.

You deserve every little horrible thing that will happen to you from here on out, because of your past.

I'm sorry, do you want pity?

There is none to be doled out here. So find someone else.

You deserve it.

I wish I could scream it from the roof tops until the sound waves bounce back off the sky and walls, drowning me in my own words.

The way most deal with their past is by forgetting.

But forgetting is a privilege.

Wipe the slate clean from history. Fun. But that is not how things work for most of us.

Thankfully, most have found a way to pretend they forgot.

Act as if it never happened.

That's right, folks. It is that simple.

Then people will not see them as damaged goods. As a victim to be consoled. Or someone to be pitied. For the most part it works. Act normal, be treated normal. Good formula as a solution to an unplesant problem. However, sometimes this can backfire, because they want others to see their pain, they want them to feel everything they feel. And they hate them for it. They hate themselves for not showing them.

Because no matter how normal they appear to be, it does not change anything about what is on the inside. It slowly corrodes through the little box they've placed it in, until it eats up their heart and mind.

And thusly "lose" control.

People who choose to pretend they have no control over themselves or their lives are living in a lie.

They lie to themselves because it is easier to blame everything wrong about yourself on occurrences beyond your control. Then you do not have to deal with it.

But what people do not realize is that by shifting the blame, they are in essence admitting that SOMETHING is stronger than themselves. That they are weaklings. As powerless over themselves as a child with cerebral palsy.

However, they are enabled to continue on this path because someone always ends up being sympathetic, or pitied into comforting them.

Life has nothing to do about control. In fact it is the opposite of control.

There are just too many factors: people, places, time, friends, parents, family, school, work, etc..

You are not meant to know where you will go. Nor are you meant to have your life go perfectly. Life is not an equation that you can input rainbows and sunshine and out pops smiley faces.

It is random. Events input themselves. Out pops whatever it wants to.

The only thing we can control is ourselves. Our behavior. Our actions. The way we treat others. The way we treat ourselves.

Once we take control of our bodies and mind, then we can change the way segments of our lives are carried out.

Not all, but some.

For those that always get what they want, I dub thee lucky. I am happy for you. You can live in the bubble you were born in, and get away without it being popped.

For those that have had it popped... be responsible for yourself. Maybe your outlook on life will be different.

Maybe.

Note: This is the edited/modified version. For those who are my friends you can access it on my lj.

You can't handle the truth

Everyday, after every session here at work I have to write a session log, reporting what took place in the session. I wish for once I could be truly honest about how I felt about what went on. A majority of the students here try their hardest to take advantage of the tutors, trying to get them to do their homework and just give them the answers to things outrightly, without them putting a single cent of effort into the pile. It is exhausting trying to keep up with their "arguments" to convince you it is your job to help them NOT learn. So I was writing a session log and this is what I wrote:

The student brought all needed material for the session. They worked on ALECKS and completed the homework that was due today. They seem to have a mediocre handle on the material, and needs more practice.

This is what I REALLY wanted to write:

I do not know why people prefer niceties as opposed to the actual reality of the situation. They would rather avoid the present and pretend it does not exist. They would rather let problems pile up until they are virtually unmanageable, until they face them head on. Which makes me wonder, why? It is not as if we do not know the situation will get worse, we just rather tell ourselves that it is not true.

I feel this occurs because we rather not blame ourselves. If we let it get to a point where we cannot handle, then we can kick and scream that an injustice has been done to us -- that life is not fair. We want to be victims.

Victimizing oneself allows us to get away with things that normally we would get in trouble for. It allows us to get positive attention for a negative circumstance. We are comforted and told everything will alright. This causes us to feel better about ourselves and the current state of being. It may not be consciencely carried out, however, through positive reenforcement, we make these kinds of situations to repeat themselves, just to receive that coddling at the end.

If you don't believe me, then take this case for example:

An attractive woman is walking with her friend in the mall. She is dressed nice, her hair done and all necessary makeup is applied. A man walks by looks her straight in the eye and smiles. He may or may not be slightly attractive. Attractive would be better. After he passes, she then turns to her friend, spurning with anger, and says, "did you see that?! how could he look at me?!" She appears to be righteously indignant.

She isn't.

She delivers a negative message, just to receive a positive reply.

Her friend will then say, "oh my god, yeah.. that was weird. But I guess that means he thinks you are pretty."

She then responds, "Yeah I guess so!" And thus the cycle is completed.

What can we conclude from this?

We are fucked up.