"You're a liar"

Today I came across a poem that caught my eye. It is by former US president Jimmy Carter, and I have decided to both share and analyze it. So for your reading pleasure:

I Wanted to Share My Father's World

This is a pain I mostly hide,

but ties of blood, or seed, endure,

and even now I feel inside

the hunger for his outstretched hand,

a man's embrace to take me in,

the need for just a word of praise.

I despised the discipline

he used to shape what I should be,

now owning up that he might feel

his own pain when he punished me.

I didn't show my need to him,

since his response to an appeal

would not have meant as much to me,

or been as real

From those rare times when we did cross

the bridge between us, the pure joy

survives.

I never put aside

the past resentments of the boy

until, with my own sons, I shared

his final hours, and came to see

what he'd become, or always was --

the father who will never cease to be

alive in me.

Interesting, yes? These are my thoughts on the text:

In the poem the author speaks of his strong feelings towards his father. It is obvious throughout the majority of the text that there is resentment against his father that lingered well into his adulthood. He speaks with the voice of his internal adolescent self while still connecting to his current matured state as a father. Although Carter’s poem does not adhere to the strict definition of a sonnet of fourteen lines in iambic pentameter, he does make use of a rhyming scheme by coupling every other line. In this way he turns what would have been a simple monody free verse poem into one with rhythmic elegance.

At first glance the title suggests the author wishes to pass his father’s ideals on to the readers, or perhaps his own children. Yet, it is only after careful examination of the composition that a deeper meaning is found. Rather than the contextual definition of “share,” as in sharing with others, it appears the person whom he wanted to share with, was himself. As a boy he seemingly yearns for his father’s approval while despising him at the same time. The man’s view of a boy is written with an underlying, yet disciplined tone of anger, which follows through almost all the way to the end. However, when the man’s journey as a boy reaches manhood he does not seem to feel the same way. It is at this point, at his father’s death bed with three generation of men, he realizes he has become father. In this way, he has also shared his father’s world. Perhaps, not in the way he had intended as a child.

His use of the words, pain, praise, punished and real, help weave the hidden aspect of his conflicting views of his father. This becomes predominant in the second verse when describing the pain he received by his father’s hand in the first half, and then giving a contrasting opinion about his father through the justification of his actions in the second half. Due to this evident contradiction, it could be suggested that it is not only his father whom he feels conflicted towards, but himself. By defending what his father has done, he is in turn defending himself.

Although Carter’s poem can be seen from a resentful standpoint, towards himself and his father, it can also be suggested that his tone comes from a place of regret. To the casual eye, the regret may stem from his inability to connect with his father throughout the course of his life, and even at his death. This approach allows for a different interpretation of the title. In this way of thinking, his wish to share his father’s world is just that, and is taken at face value. It appears to be a one note text of regret. Regret over his childhood, over how his father was, and his children missing out on their grandfather’s world. However at when given a closer look, this is not all that may be derived from the writing.

People who go through traumatic experiences during childhood normally deal with it in one of two ways. They either solely blame themselves for the pain caused, or solely blame the creator of the trauma. In the poem, Carter does neither. Rather, he chooses to blame and excuse his father all in one go. Because of this the conclusion can be drawn, that he comes from a place of understanding due to playing the role of his father with his own sons.

Carter’s poem starts out at a point of apparent opaqueness. However, just as the proverbial book and cover, his writing should not be taken simplistically. The multifaceted layers of anger, hurt and remorse reads across the page. He craftily makes use of uncomplicated words to hide his true intentions, allowing only the thoughtful reader to find the “easter egg” concealed in the text. Taking us through a journey, we find he is no longer a boy, but a man, and as such owns up to his own missteps in life.  

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So I'm wondering if you felt differently on the poem? What are your thoughts or comments? Feel free to drop a line. :)